Friday, May 25, 2007

Ointment Transcript 5/25/07



"The Ointment" Episode #306: "Memorial Day Week in Review"

Steve takes a look back at some of the top stories for this Memorial Day Week 2007. Another Monica tries to take down a White House, John Bohner swears, John McCain hurls an "F-bomb" and Liz Taylor enjoys her some Nazi art. All this and the News Quiz Question.

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Ointment Transcript 5/24/07



"The Ointment" Episode #305: "Fickle Finger of Fate"

Did you know the length of your fingers reveals how well you'll perform on the SAT tests? Learn this and more fascinating news on today's "The Ointment."

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Ointment Transcript 5/22/07



"The Ointment" Episode #304: "I'm a Positive Thinker"

I'm a positive thinker and secretly embed text from "The Secret" into my videos. But that doesn't mean I understand why these guys running for president "officially" annouce their candidacies months after they start running. That and underpants that protect you from harmful cell phone rays.

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Ointment Transcript 5/21/07



"The Ointment" Episode #303: "When Pigs Fly"

Fox News loves Michael Moore's new documentary. Who would have guessed? And Liz Taylor loves Van Gogh. But Jimmy Carter doesn't love President Bush. All this and more on the internet comedy news show you love, "The Ointment."

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Ointment Transcript 5/18/07



"The Ointment" Episode #302: "Week in Review 5/18/07"

Steve looks back at the top stories for the week ending May 18, 2007.

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Ointment Transcript 5/17/07



"The Ointment" Episode #301: "That's the Punchline?"

It's Thursday, May 17, 2007. Watch a hard-hitting interview with Laa-Laa of the Tele-Tubbies about the late Jerry Fallwell.

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Ointment Transcript 5/16/07



"The Ointment" Episode #300: "Guest: Jimmy Dore"

It's Wednesday, May 16, 2007 and Jimmy Dore talks about the Iraq war and the politicians that are keeping us there.

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Ointment Transcript 5/15/07



"The Ointment" Episode #299: "And Just Us for Al"

It's Tuesday, May 15, 2007 and It's two-fer Tuesday, so be sure and watchg today's show twice. There's no additional charge! The justice department in unraveling. The numbeer two guy quit yesterday and now the Justice Department and the White House are the only places left where Alberto Gonzales has any support, hence the episode title "And Just Us for Al."

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Ointment Transcript 5/14/07



"The Ointment" Episode #298: "First Class Forever"

It's Monday, May 14, 2007 and postal rates go up today but The Ointment is still free!

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Ointment Transcript 5/11/07



"The Ointment" Episode #297: "The 300th Episode!"

It's Friday, May 11, 2007: Steve celebrates the 300th episode of "The Ointment", the longest-running comedy series in the history of the internet.

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Ointment Transcript 5/10/07



"The Ointment" Episode #296: "No Sweat"

It's Thursday, May 10, 2007: Cheney finally goes to war... as a visitor. Bush tells the Iraqis they shouldn't take vacations. And Botox isn't just to remove the emotions from your life , it can also remove the sweat!

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Ointment Transcript 5/9/07



"The Ointment" Episode #295: "Guest: Debbie Praver"

It's Wednesday, May 9, 2007: Comedian Debbie Praver discusses her surprise pregnancy.

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Ointment Transcript 5/8/07



"The Ointment" Episode #294: "I'm All Alone"

It's Tuesday, May 8, 2007: Great news! A survivor of the Greensburg, Kansas tornado. Spider-Man breaks records, the Queen is in town and Roger Clemens is back. Is he still alive?

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Monday, May 07, 2007

Ointment Transcript 5/7/07



"The Ointment" Episode #293: "A Long and Winding Road"

It's Monday, May 7, 2007 and you are watching "The Ointment." Believe it or not, it was 37 years ago today that the Beatles released their very last single. I'm Steve Tatham and it's been a long and winding road here on "The Ointment" because this week marks our 300th show which we will observe on Friday. But let's get to today's news.

TITLE: French Twist
Our top story: we have a winner in the French election for president. Nicholas Sarkozy was the victor over Segelene Royal. Msr. Sarkozy has pledged to reinvigorate the French work ethic. So don't be surprised next time you're on vacation in Paris when you order something, somebody actually listens. The turnout in France was an astounding 84% which proves one thing: on a Sunday afternoon, not much to do there in France.

TITLE: Minority Report
Meanwhile back in the USA, President Bush hit an all-time low in the latest Newsweek poll. His approval rating is 28%, the lowest in decades for any president. A spokesperson for the White House said "We have a long way to go. You ain't seen nothin' yet." Although "nothin'" may be exactly where they're headed.

TITLE: Hair-Raising Statement
Meanwhile, campaigning there in Iowa, presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani called President Bush a "great president." But, then again, this is the guy who, for years, thought this was a great haircut.

TITLE: Book Worm
George Tenet, the former director of the CIA, who once said that the intelligence leading up to the Iraq war made the case for war a "slam dunk," is now out there promoting his new book, which criticizes the Bush administration's handling of the war. Sure, now he wants to play by the book.

TITLE: Once You Go Barack You Never Go Back
A new report in yesterday's Sunday Times of London is saying that many people are defecting from the GOP to support Barack Obama. Republicans supporting Barack Obama? Just wait until they find out he loves gays and hates fetuses.

TITLE: Stable Monarchy
Over the weekend, Street Sense won the Kentucky Derby, the greatest prize in all of horse racing. In attendance in the crowd was England's Queen Elizabeth. It's a good thing that her daughter-in-law Camilla wasn't there. Because somebody just may have saddled her up.

TITLE: Confirming Her Reservation
In entertainment news, Paris Hilton is going to jail. A Los Angeles judge has sentenced her to 45 days in jail following violations of the terms following her drunk-driving conviction. And this is going to be a first for Hilton. It's the first time she's been held prisoner while wearing her panties.

TITLE: No Biz Like It
And finally, in entertainment news, Spider-Man 3 smashed all box-office records by earning $148 million over the weekend. The film cost about $275 million to make, which is about the same amount of money we spend each and every day to run the war in Iraq. And there's one thing audiences like better about Spider-Man 3 than they do the war in Iraq. And that is, that Spider-Man has an ending.

That's "The Ointment" for another day. Thank for tuning in. I'm Steve Tatham and that's news. We'll catch you tomorrow everybody.

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Friday, May 04, 2007

Ointment Transcript 5/4/07



"The Ointment" Episode #292: "Week in Review 5/4/07"

It's Friday, May 4, 2007, and you are watching "The Ointment". You know what day today is? It's Star Wars Day. May the fourth be with you. Fridays here on the show we take a look back at some of my favorite stories from the past week, so let's get right to it.

TITLE: Desperate and Dateless
Our top story: President Bush got out his veto pen. He vetoed a bill sent to him by the US Congress that set a date for the return of US troops from Iraq. Now, what happens is, the war in Iraq goes into sudden death overtime.

TITLE: Super Intelligence
A new report has experts saying that US withdrawal of troops from Iraq spells disaster. As opposed to US troops staying in Iraq, which spells catastrophe.

TITLE: Trimming Rights
Meanwhile, over there in Iran, they have outlawed western-style haircuts. So, if you get your hair cut or your eyebrows plucked, they may pluck off your head. But the good news is, since they've ruled out western-style haircuts, no danger to our Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice.

TITLE: Godless Plea
Over there in Turkey, people are protesting in the streets because they fear their secular government has been over-run by religious zealots. If it's any consolation, Turkey, we know how you feel.

TITLE: Freedom is Just Around the Corner
President Bush has said that Fidel Castro's reign in Cuba may soon come to an end and that freedom will ring. You know what, a lot of people here are saying that about him.

TITLE: The Bright Side
Now I pick on President Bush -- perhaps a little too much, so I want to say something nice about George Bush today. And that is, no matter how bad things are going for him, he still loves to dance. Just look at him go. Doesn't it make you proud to be an American?

TITLE: A Little Off the Top
Paul Wolfowitz, the leader of the World Bank, is being forced out; however, before he goes he's trying to negotiate himself a $400,000 bonus. He just doesn't get it. He says to them "Hey, guys, what's the problem here? When I was running things in Iraq, I could have skimmed this off the top in a week."

TITLE: The Name Game
In domestic political news, Hillary Rodham Clinton is dropping the "Rodham" from her name. She's running for president, of course, and she wants to be less controversial. So, no more Rodham. She's going by Hillary Clinton now. However, if she really wants to be less controversial, she might want to think about dropping the name "Hillary Clinton."

TITLE: Snatchonomics
In economic news, the Dow Jones Industrial Average has hit another record high, which reinforces the old wives' tale that the shorter women's skirts get, the higher the Dow Jones Industrial Average. So this tells me that all those starlets running around town in short skirts are really great economic prognosticators. Especially when their skirts are so high, they expose their yum-yums.

TITLE: News Quiz
And finally... we wrap up each week with our news quiz question. Today's question is about the presidential debate that took place last night among the ten Republicans vying for the presidential nomination of 2008. It took place at the Ronald Reagan Library in Southern California. When asked, a number of the ten candidates said that they do not believe in evolution. Well, what do they believe in?

A) The mixture of church and state
B) Pandering to the right wing
or
C) Divine Intervention -- it's the only hope they have of getting elected.

That's "The Ointment" for another week. Thanks for tuning in. I'm Steve Tatham and that's news. Have a great Cinco de Mayo everybody.

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Ointment Transcript 5/3/07



"The Ointment" Episode #291: "Nationa Day of Prayer"

It's Thursday, May 3, 2007. Today is the National Day of Prayer so now's your chance to ask for something. In today's news are stories about Iraq, Obama, and the Vatican; but no "Weekend Preview" after one viewer called it "crap."

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Ointment Transcript 5/2/07



"The Ointment" Episode #290: "Guest: Joey Medina"

Comedian Joey Medina, one of the top 10 Latino comedians in the United States, is the guest on today's "The Ointment."

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Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Ointment Transcript 5/1/07



"The Ointment" Episode #289: "Tense Moment"

It's May Day and Condoleezza Rice is in Egypt trying to sort things out. Meanwhile, Boy George has gotten himself into trouble by kidnapping a male escort and trying tie him in bondage gear. All this and Kate Moss' new clothing line. Watch today's news on "The Ointment."

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