Ointment Transcript 5/4/07

"The Ointment" Episode #292: "Week in Review 5/4/07"

It's Friday, May 4, 2007, and you are watching "The Ointment". You know what day today is? It's Star Wars Day. May the fourth be with you. Fridays here on the show we take a look back at some of my favorite stories from the past week, so let's get right to it.

TITLE: Desperate and Dateless
Our top story: President Bush got out his veto pen. He vetoed a bill sent to him by the US Congress that set a date for the return of US troops from Iraq. Now, what happens is, the war in Iraq goes into sudden death overtime.

TITLE: Super Intelligence
A new report has experts saying that US withdrawal of troops from Iraq spells disaster. As opposed to US troops staying in Iraq, which spells catastrophe.

TITLE: Trimming Rights
Meanwhile, over there in Iran, they have outlawed western-style haircuts. So, if you get your hair cut or your eyebrows plucked, they may pluck off your head. But the good news is, since they've ruled out western-style haircuts, no danger to our Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice.

TITLE: Godless Plea
Over there in Turkey, people are protesting in the streets because they fear their secular government has been over-run by religious zealots. If it's any consolation, Turkey, we know how you feel.

TITLE: Freedom is Just Around the Corner
President Bush has said that Fidel Castro's reign in Cuba may soon come to an end and that freedom will ring. You know what, a lot of people here are saying that about him.

TITLE: The Bright Side
Now I pick on President Bush -- perhaps a little too much, so I want to say something nice about George Bush today. And that is, no matter how bad things are going for him, he still loves to dance. Just look at him go. Doesn't it make you proud to be an American?

TITLE: A Little Off the Top
Paul Wolfowitz, the leader of the World Bank, is being forced out; however, before he goes he's trying to negotiate himself a $400,000 bonus. He just doesn't get it. He says to them "Hey, guys, what's the problem here? When I was running things in Iraq, I could have skimmed this off the top in a week."

TITLE: The Name Game
In domestic political news, Hillary Rodham Clinton is dropping the "Rodham" from her name. She's running for president, of course, and she wants to be less controversial. So, no more Rodham. She's going by Hillary Clinton now. However, if she really wants to be less controversial, she might want to think about dropping the name "Hillary Clinton."

TITLE: Snatchonomics
In economic news, the Dow Jones Industrial Average has hit another record high, which reinforces the old wives' tale that the shorter women's skirts get, the higher the Dow Jones Industrial Average. So this tells me that all those starlets running around town in short skirts are really great economic prognosticators. Especially when their skirts are so high, they expose their yum-yums.

TITLE: News Quiz
And finally... we wrap up each week with our news quiz question. Today's question is about the presidential debate that took place last night among the ten Republicans vying for the presidential nomination of 2008. It took place at the Ronald Reagan Library in Southern California. When asked, a number of the ten candidates said that they do not believe in evolution. Well, what do they believe in?

A) The mixture of church and state
B) Pandering to the right wing
or
C) Divine Intervention -- it's the only hope they have of getting elected.

That's "The Ointment" for another week. Thanks for tuning in. I'm Steve Tatham and that's news. Have a great Cinco de Mayo everybody.

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