Ointment Transcript 4/20/07

"The Ointment" Episode #283: "Send Me Your Jokes"

It's Friday, April 20, 2007 and you are watching "The Ointment." It's Earth Day this Sunday, April 22, despite what you may hear in the rest of the world because the rest of the planet celebrates Earth Day at the beginning of Spring, on March 21st. But here in the US of A, we celebrate it this coming Sunday, so enjoy. I'm Steve Tatham and I act globally but I blog locally.

TITLE: Week in Review
Fridays here on the show we take a look back at some of the top stories from this past week, so let's get right to it.

TITLE: Speechless
Our top story: Well, our top story has been cancelled because frankly, there's nothing funny about it.

TITLE: What Did Dennis Say?
Although I will say this my heart goes out to the victims, certainly, and the families of the victims. But, you know who else I feel sorry for in all this? Is Congressman Dennis Kucinich, who's running for President of the United States. Because I read press reports quoting all of the other Presidential candidates on the Virginia Tech tragedy but not Dennis Kucinich. And you have to ask yourself, "Perhaps America just isn't crying out to be comforted by the warm elfin embrace of Dennis Kucinich."

TITLE: Quiet as Folk
Moving on... tomorrow is the "Day of Silence" when gays, lesbians and their supporters all across the country take a vow of silence for one day to signify something or rather about the silence that they have to endure all year long. So, wear whatever you want tomorrow, No one's gonna say a word about it.

TITLE: Rigged!
The Pulitzer Prizes were announced in several categories in several categories yesterday. Taking the top prize for literature was Cormack McCarthy's "The Road," the Oprah Book Club selection. Sadly, overlooked, however was the great tome, Nicole Richie's "The Truth about Diamonds."

As promised, I said I wanted to get more of you guys involved in the show, so I'm gonna deliver on that promise right now. So what better day than Earth Day to being recycling someone else's material. So these next three stories are from Jeremy Greenberg of Kirkland, Washington. He's a comedian and comedy writer. So let's hear what he has to say.

TITLE: Equally Dead (Jeremy's Joke #1)
A female Iraqi suicide bomber blew herself up in a marketplace the other day. See that? We've only been in Iraq a few short years and already women are getting the same opportunities as men.

TITLE: Land of the Rising Age (Jeremy's Joke #2)
And this demographic news: The life expectancy in the nation of Japan, already one of the highest in the world, has risen to 85 years old. Leave it to the makers of Nintendo to give themselves extra lives.

TITLE: Maxxing Your Credit (Jeremey's Joke #3)
Here's a story to frighten consumers. Over 45.7 million credit card numbers were stolen from customers of TJ Maxx, which is really startling because I didn't realize people who shopped at TJ Maxx had credit.

TITLE: fakenews@theointment.com

And those three stories were from Jeremy Greenberg of Kirkland, Washington. If you'd like to send in some stories. Send them to fakenews@theointment.com.

TITLE: News Quiz
And finally... we wrap things up each week with our news quiz question. By the way, somebody asked me "How come you never give the answers to the News Quiz Question?" Let me give you a hint: the answer is always "A". Today's question is about a new poll which suggests support for the war in Iraq has reached an all-time low. The question is:

The number of people who thinks are going well in Iraq is:
A) Dwindling each month.
B) Even fewer than the number of people who watch NBC.
or
C) Exactly equal to the number of people on the White House payroll.

That's "The Ointment" for another week. Thanks for tuning in. I'm Steve Tatham and that's news. Have a great weekend, everybody.

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