Ointment Transcript 4/13/07

"The Ointment" Episode #278: "Week in Review 4/13/07"

It's Friday the Thirteenth. It's Friday, April 13, 2007. I'm Steve Tatham and I want to be your bad luck charm. Let's see... it's Friday the Thirteenth, your taxes are due and this Sunday is Holocaust Remembrance Day. It's really the bad karma trifecta. Fridays here on the show we take a look back at some of our top stories from this past week, so let's get right to it.

TITLE: Going Going GONE-zales
Our top story: Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has received his subpoena. There is going to be a hearing on that case involving the firing of U.S. attorneys. This guy's in a lot of trouble. It's really unfortunate for him that he doesn't know a single decent attorney.

TITLE: No Cruise Control
I have some news about that Greek Cruise that went down the other day. The Captain of the ship has an explanation for what happened. He said it was due to strong currents. Because, you know, if there's one thing the captain of a ship is never prepared for, it's moving water.

This is Mary Manofsky. You may remember her from many, from many very popular episodes of "The Ointment." She's, um, going to bed now. So you won't be seeing her on tonight's show. I'm sorry to say.

TITLE: Walking with a McCain
In political news... John McCain who's running for president of the United States has unfortunately tied his future to the war in Iraq. He said recently, after going to Iraq, that he felt Baghdad was becoming safe. And he said this after going through Baghdad wearing a bullet-proof vest, being escorted by 100 troops and being watched over by two military helicopters. That's a lot of people. In fact, if he could only get that many people to vote for him he'd be doing better.

A new poll out from the Los Angeles Times reveals that former Republican frontrunner for the nomination for the presidency of the United States, Senator John McCain, is now in third place. Many voters, when asked by pollsters about McCain, said "Is he still alive?"

TITLE: Watch What You Wish For
Democracy and free speech is busting out all over in Iraq. Just take a look at this, would you? Thousands of Iraqi citizens flooding the streets in protest. What a beautiful sight. There's only one catch: they're protesting the presence of US troops in Iraq. It wasn't... it wasn't supposed to work out like that, was it?

TITLE: Don't Bask, Don't Tell
Meanwhile, freedoms in the West are evaporating. The UK government is telling those recently-released hostages (the troops that were held there in Iran) that they can not tell their stories for money in the media. Isn't it great that as we fight for freedom that we're learning so much about how to suppress it?

TITLE: Hunting for Votes
Mitt Romney, the Republican who's running for president of the United States, has been raising a lot of cash but he's also raising a lot of questions about his honesty. He's been telling audiences that he's a life-long hunter. Well, guess what? He's been hunting exactly two times in his life. Once when he was fifteen and once last year. As it turns out, me, Steve, I, myself: a life-long square dancer.

TITLE: Coming into Money
STEVE: The results are in. And the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby is... Larry Birkhead. Poor Howard K. Stern. He had to sleep with Anna Nicole Smith for nothing.

TITLE: Imus Hates Black People
After offensive comments made about the Rutgers' women's basketball team, conservative radio host Don Imus has been fired. His show has been cancelled by CBS. In an unusual move, the White House has said that that President Bush has declared war on the CBS radio network.

TITLE: News Quiz
And finally.... we wrap up each week with our news quiz question. Today's question is about Don Imus, the radio host who made offensive comments about the Rutgers' women's basketball team. The question is "What is the phrase Imus used on the air that got him fired?"

Was it:
A) Nappy-headed hos
B) Ho Chi Min
or
C) Horton Hears a Who

That's "The Ointment" for another week. Thanks for tuning in. I'm Steve Tatham and that's news. Have a great weekend, everybody.

(WATCH this episode)