Ointment Transcript 4/9/07

"The Ointment" Episode #274: "Endangered Reality"

It's Monday, April 9, 2007. It's Appomattox Day -- the anniversary of the day that the South surrendered to the North, ending the Civil War. I'm Steve Tatham and I surrender.

TITLE: No Cruise Control
Our top story: I have some news about that Greek Cruise that went down the other day. The Captain of the ship has an explanation for what happened. He said it was due to strong currents. Because, you know, if there's one thing the captain of a ship is never prepared for, it's moving water.

TITLE: I Mus Get Publicity
Don Imus, the popular radio host, who's also broadcast on MSNBC, has been asked to apologize by civil rights leaders and sports writers and others across the country for calling the women's basketball team at Rutgers a group of "nappy-headed hos." Imus' bosses said they think this is a very important moral issue and, they may ask him to resign but first they have to check his ratings.

This is Mary Manofsky. You may remember her from many, from many very popular episodes of "The Ointment." She's, uh, going to bed now. So you won't be seeing her on tonight's show. Sorry to say.

TITLE: Walking with a McCain
In political news... John McCain who's running for president of the United States has unfortunately tied his future to the war in Iraq. He said recently, after going to Iraq, that he felt Baghdad was becoming safe. And he said this after going through Baghdad wearing a bullet-proof vest, being escorted by 100 troops and being watched over by two military helicopters. That's a lot of people. In fact, if he could only get that many people to vote for him he'd be doing better.

TITLE: Se Habla Jerk
Newt Gingrich, who may be running for president of the United States himself very shortly, made an announcement. He's been forced to apologize for referring to Spanish as a "ghetto language." He made this announcement via Youtube. Of course, the video-sharing service is used by under-funded political campaigns when they want to make an announcement about their ghetto campaigns.

TITLE: Time for the Hail Mary
And one of the few politicians not running for president, of course, is the current president of the United States, George Bush. He spoke yesterday on Easter Sunday -- made a plea for the troops and mostly a plea for his last two years in office, hoping something will go right.

TITLE: Endangered Reality
The manatee, of course, is that Florida endangered sea-creature, who has been dying off in record numbers, usually at the hands of a boat propeller -- if, in fact, a boat propeller has hands. Well, you know how the Fish and Game Service is going to react to this? They are thinking of taking the manatee off the Endangered Species List and reclassifying him as the less-endangered "Threatened". In an unrelated story, the Republican administration of George Bush has just been moved from the "Threatened" to the "Endangered" list.

TITLE: King of Props
And finally... a collection of memorabilia owned by Michael Jackson is gonna be up on the auction block in Las Vegas very shortly. So get your bids ready: some articles of clothing - yuck - some of his memorabilia, and his entire collection of "Tiger Beat".

That's "The Ointment" for another day. Thanks for tuning in. I'm Steve Tatham and that's news. We'll catch you tomorrow, everybody.

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