Ointment Transcript 4/17/07

"The Ointment" Episode #280: "Speechless"

It's Tuesday, April 17, 2007 and you are watching "The Ointment." I'm Steve Tatham and I'm standing up right now.

TITLE: Speechless
Our top story: Well, our top story has been cancelled because frankly, there's nothing funny about it. However... um...

TITLE: What Did Dennis Say?
Although I will say this my heart goes out to the victims, certainly, and the families of the victims. But, you know who else I feel sorry for in all this? Is Congressman Dennis Kucinich, who's running for President of the United States. Because I read press reports quoting all of the other Presidential candidates on the Virginia Tech tragedy but not Dennis Kucinich. And you have to ask yourself, "Perhaps America just isn't crying out to be comforted by the warm elfin embrace of Dennis Kucinich."

TITLE: Quiet as Folk
Moving on... tomorrow is the "Day of Silence" when gays, lesbians and their supporters all across the country take a vow of silence for one day to signify something or rather about the silence that they have to endure all year long. So, wear whatever you want tomorrow, No one's gonna say a word about it.

TITLE: Wolf Guarding the Bank
Paul Wofowitz, one of the Neocons who was the chief architect of the war in Iraq, is in a lot o' hot water now. Now he's running the World Bank and he apparently did some favors for his girlfriend, and it was not quite on the up and up. He loves her very much but he didn't do her any favors - just like his other mistress, Iraq.

TITLE: Space Race
And this news from outer space: an astronaut is keeping pace with athletes in Boston and running along with them from outer space in the Boston Marathon. And this astronaut has a distinct advantage because there are no potty breaks when you wear a diaper.

TITLE: Rigged!
The Pulitzer Prizes were announced in several categories in several categories yesterday. Taking the top prize for literature was Cormack McCarthy's "The Road," the Oprah Book Club selection. sadly, overlooked, however was the great tome, Nicole Richie's "The Truth about Diamonds."

TITLE: What? No Pulitzers for Pravda?
This news item from Pravda. The Russian newspaper is claiming that Don Imus, the radio host, was fired, not because of racial comments that he made, but because U.S. "war leaders" secretly plotted his ouster. Why would they do that? Well, because Imus possesses information implicating U.S. "war leaders" in the planning and execution of the 9/11 tragedies. Yes, you hadn't heard? Me thinks maybe Pravda has had a bit too much wodka.

TITLE: Congrats, China!
And finally... The Forbes list of the 500 biggest corporations is out and number one on the list is Wal-Mart. However, uh, next year it'll be discounted to the fourth.

That's "The Ointment" for another day. Thanks for tuning in. I'm Steve Tatham and that's news. We'll catch you tomorrow, everybody.

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